Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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