i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
