oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
