i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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