don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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