Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
