Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
