Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
