I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
