He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
