Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
