Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
