Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
