Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
