Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
