Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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