youre lurking in front of me
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
