It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
