I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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