it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
