How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
