just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
