You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
