So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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