i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
