you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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