I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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