Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Randomize
