He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
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