Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
