My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
