I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
