Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
