get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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