people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
