So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
