I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
