Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
