Buhtt sex?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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