just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
