New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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