dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
