in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
