did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
