Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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