You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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