i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
