just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
