ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
im holly from the hills drunk
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Help. Why am I so naked?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
