At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
